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“Caution, don’t get caught in the conflict jungle”

There is so much going on in our world today. People are being hypervigilant are in a state of increased anxiety which can cause so many different emotions due to what is going on with the CoronaVirus. Creating conflict in areas that we did not plan and were unprepared for. People are having to social distancing themselves, not by choice. Organizations and places of business are closing shop for a minimum of two weeks, and are up for reevaluating, which can mean no income coming in for many, kids having to be home, individuals and parents worried about the bills, Which creates isolation, stress, fear, anxiety, and scarcity, the way we respond to what is going on in the world around us is crucial.

I am working on a study with my middle schooler, yet before this whole thing with the Coronavirus, it had been one of the hardest challenges to set time aside. Other things were taking up our time, which seemed to take precedent or more critical. But luckily, since we have a lot more time in our hands, it has allowed some deep conversations to take place. As we came upon one of the chapters, it discussed conflict. It was a great eye-opener to realize that we all handle conflict very differently. Some handle conflict by being explosive, shutting down, feeling annoyed, and having feelings of being attacked. We are discovering conflict is not the underlying issue but revealing what is underneath.

This whole child-rearing a middle schooler has definitely been a challenge as a mother for me. Growing up, I did not have a good relationship with my mother. Yet that has been one of my greatest desires is to establish that with my daughter. In my upbringing, conflict was handled by screaming or being physical or given the silent treatment. I did not know how to handle conflict or adequately taught. A lot of self-reflection within my upbringing, parenting skills, and how I currently managed conflict. I would not say I was like my parents but handle conflict in other ways by shutting down or even having that fourth of July experience that takes place once a year, in losing control and yelling, not proud of those moments. Especially in a heated situation, you honestly can tell what is underneath by what a person is saying, and then once you have spoken, you can not take back what was said. 

It was beautiful to see my daughter, and I discover what conflict is genuinely about and that despite the attitudes or the silent treatment, it was not what I saw through my own eyes but finding what is underneath all of that is taking place. I walked away with a valuable lesson that I am sharing with you today. It caused me to seek more in-depth and approaching things humbly once I discovered what was underneath it. We even created keywords when we sensed conflict coming knowing when to take a step back and reflect. 

So our keyword is “chili pepper.” I wish I can take credit, but my daughter came up with that one. As I reflected on a chili pepper, chili peppers are hot; we agreed that when we would use the word, it could not be directly said as chili pepper, hello chili peppers! That would create more spicyness in our environment, but use it against our surroundings. For example, did you notice that there’s a lot of chili peppers growing on the tree outside? Or look at how big those chili pepper are, silly, I know, but having this in place allows us to see if we can help defuse the situation and then identify what is truly going on that is causing the conflict.  

Conflicts can seem more straightforward than we think or complicated and, at times, hits you out of nowhere one moment you are okay, and the next thing you are in a heated argument asking yourself what just happened. We came to an understanding that conflict doesn’t create the problem; they reveal the problem and expose what is in our hearts. A lot of times, we want our way or are annoyed, and you have to ask yourself what it is that you are craving at this moment while this conflict is going on that you are not getting.

How many times in our lives do we feel like we were are not getting our way, want to be left alone, or feel like we are not understood, or we want to be in control? Or feeling unappreciated, or perhaps you wish to get even or inflict pain or win the argument. It is a question hearing the noise that is happening and seeking what is going on underneath the sound?  

So I want to leave you with these few tips:

  • Reflect on if your conflict is more profound than what you are hearing? 
  • Work quickly to resolve your inner conflicts. 
  • Choose to walk into them humbly.
  • Come up with a keyword when things begin to become spicy.
  • Do not allow fear to paralyze what you are facing, but stand in faith that this too shall pass. 
  • You decide how you want trespond to the noise that is happening.

Carrier’s of Hope,

Sandy Cortes 

Breathing Hope One Life at a Time

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It is time to unlock whose within you.

I remember growing up hearing my stepfather tell me, “I would never amount to anything.” So I allowed fear to paralyze me and keep me hidden. It was when the failure part came to reality to me. I had learned to remain unseen and never discovering who I was within me for so many years bound by fear and unworthiness.

I recognize where I was failing at was not trying and not believing in myself. I had to unlock what was within me and be seen. I had to reevaluate the lies and replace them with the truth. I had to get out of my comfort zone and do it even if I was afraid of the outcome. So many lies kept me stuck and handicap. What a great feeling of accomplishment when I stepped out of the way of me! Where would I be today if I had decided to be locked away somewhere? Are you afraid of failing like I was?

Are you in the way of you? Are you stopping yourself from grabbing ahold of the things you have dreamt of and locked away not to be seen? As the world sits on the other side longing for someone to speak life and give them hope, yet you are the carrier, the one they have waited on.

Can you envision yourself making a difference, strutting in your accomplishments? Get out of your way, step aside, and let me introduce you to the “New You.” Please get to know that person, he/she is waiting for you to unlock those dreams and release the real you. You have something so different and unique about you. Now unlock you and take a look at all you have inside of you. The world awaits your talents and gifting and your presence.

Learn to evaluate the lies and replace them with the truth. The only thing stopping you from unlocking you is YOU!

The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one- John Maxwell.

Carrier’s of Hope,

Sandy Cortes

Breathing Hope One Life at a Time!

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Invisible vs Visible

Have you learned to live with your mask? Or maybe you wear many different masks? Because your hustling for worthiness and continue to numb yourselves so that you do not feel or show your vulnerability to others. By holding a mask at all costs, because what if they would discover the real you? 

Who is the real you? Have you been hurt due to someone shaming, putting you down, or downright did something to you? It is so exhausting to live an unauthentic life and hide behind a mask. I had many masks and a tendency to put on at times, even now, as your reading this blog. Why? Because then people would read or see my pain, and then I would have to hear the criticism of showing my vulnerability to others. People can be downright mean in this world. I understand how hard it is to be vulnerable. Society teaches you not to show vulnerability as it is a sign of weakness.

I was raised by a father never to show any feelings in front of others. Anything outside of that was considered a weakness. So, do you understand now why I had to wear a mask? There was enough criticism to paralyze me for life and continue on this path of always wearing a mask. Eventually, I had to look at myself in the mirror and ask myself, “Why are you hiding behind this mask? I knew it was a matter of time where it would call for me to put down my mask. There was an enormous amount of fear within me. Risk of people not liking me if I shared my vulnerability or them having thoughts of being messed up. I had to do some soul searching and figure out why I was so afraid of people seeing the real me. Of always remaining invisible, yet I was visible in front of others. I even had these twisted thoughts of somehow my father finding out and hearing his disapproval voice.   

I had to learn to lay that all down and be free to be me. One of the things I recall God telling me one day was, “Whatever you do, remain true to who you are and keep things real.” Being authentic to yourself and in front of others. That is hard to do in this day in age where there is this plague of comparison, not enough or vulnerability is such a bad thing you can see it in magazines, reality shows, and even social media.  

A mask is usually worn on the face as protection and to disguise yourself, so no one sees the real you. 

Life Application

  • Do you love the mask you put on every day?
  • Why do you wear your mask? 
  • Do you not want to be visible in this world? 
  • Or do you feel like your going through this world as invisible? 

Therefore, you put on your mask? Those are some big questions right, but a great way to cause some self-reflection on why you are wearing that mask. No more pretending and being invisible, choose to be visible to the world, and allow them to see how beautiful you are.

Carrier’s of Hope,

Sandy Cortes 

Breathing Hope One Life at a Time!

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The Tyrant

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Have you ever looked back at the medieval days and been so fascinated by the ruler over their kingdom. I love the way they align themselves up for battle. Anything that stepped foot on their territory, they were armed and ready. One of my favorite movies is Troy. This movie portrays the struggle between the ancient kingdoms of Troy and Sparta. I love watching the different rulers and how they govern their empire.

There is a part in the movie where the city is celebrating and the night comes. Everything seems to be quiet, and then Achilles, Odysseus, and a small group of Greek soldiers emerge and slay several guards and open Troy’s gates. The Greek army quickly pours into the city, burning homes and killing any Trojan who stands in their way while Priam can only watch. The soldiers of Troy attempt to defend the royal palace but fail. Typically there is always a greedy, cruel tyrant in these movies. In Troy, it was Agamemnon. His brutal nature nearly leads to the destruction of his men and the loss of a war. Tyrants are willing to sacrifice others for their wants and are very fearful of losing their power.

Have you ever been in a place in your life where things were going well, and all of a sudden, you found yourself threatened and unguarded?
Like the story of Troy, there was a cruel tyrant that came in, whether it was in your mind, heart, and soul. Where it decided that it was going to go and destroy every bit of your kingdom, these tyrants can be a fear of failure, low self-esteem, bitterness, disbelief, and even unforgiveness. It continues to throw darts at all times and begin to govern your kingdom.

One of the tyrants that have come in and out of my life has been fear of failure. Every so often, that tyrant comes in at odd hours of the night and throws its deadly missiles. Trying to destroy everything that I have worked towards and set out to do. That tyrant comes when life seems out of control or when something doesn’t go as planned.

I’m amazed by how many thoughts come through our minds thinking to the point that we feel like we’re bleeding out. Where we can’t feel or have become numb to certain things in our lives because we have allowed a tyrant to govern our kingdom.

It happens to the best of us even when our life is going great. All it takes is that one tyrant to come through and can quickly destroy the kingdom, especially if you’re not awake and watching them as they arrive or as they are coming in and out. The enemy is very strategic in what he does and thinks things through.

What is your tyrant that continues to bombard and dominate your kingdom? Our kingdom is our heart, mind, and soul. What remains governing you that is stopping you from walking in your purpose and calling? Take some time today and reflect. Be on the lookout, gear up, identify the tyrants, and destroy it. Chop it off by its head, and do not allow it to come back into your kingdom. Be a watchman on the wall.

I hope you are enjoying reading this post if someone came to mind as you were reading this, please feel to share it with them! Could you help me, help others along the way? You never know who needs to hear this today that may be struggling and is needing one good thing to happen to them today. This could be a tool of encouragement and bring hope back into their situation. Please help me to continue to breathe hope one life at a time!

Carriers of Hope,

Sandy Cortes

Breathing Hope One one Life at a Time!

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Don’t stop being you!

I learned a valuable lesson in 2019. I was raised in an environment where I had no voice growing up. I quickly took inventory that when people are used to you being a certain way, and then you bring change, they no longer want to be buddy, buddy with you.

Your new growth becomes a threat when your light shines in on them and what they lack or need to grow in. You become the so called “bad guy” and labels are placed on you, words are talked about you. Thinking no one is listening or that its being covered well.

As you begin to shake things up to bring forth the better and leader in you, growth, maturity and healing it becomes a bad thing. I have learned I don’t need to be quick to want to prove my point. Or share my version of the story. So that my name or reputation are cleared. I know who I am so there is no need to do this.

I have watched that anything hidden always comes to light. Learn to be a watchman on the wall and watch as the pieces fall right into place.

Don’t change who you are becoming; it’s okay if not everyone likes you. Your not meant to be liked by everyone and thats okay! Be you! Let your light shine and those who are not for you, get out the way!!!

Carrier’s of Hope,

Sandy Cortes

Breathing Hope One Life at a Time!

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Dig up the root to find the truth!

Have you ever wondered why we do the things we sometimes do? Maybe you are unaware that you are doing it! Sometimes the things we struggle with is rooted in something that might seem unrelated to the behavior itself. 

I have been guilty of saying, “I’m going to stop doing this. As if it was that easy, right. These approaches are helpful, but in reality, that particular challenge does not just go away or was not created overnight. I have not seen problems successfully stop; they continue to sprout back up. It’s like cutting a weed off at the top without ripping it up from the roots. It is going to continue to happen and grow back. 

In our lives, we have to get to the root of what may be going on. Before even touching the challenges or behaviors. Let’s take a look at our belief system and not at the behaviors but the roots of those. As he/she thinks in his/her heart, so is he. 

So how do we begin this process?

  1. You start with the one lie.
  2. Then you locate when this lie first gave birth. Ex. For someone to love me, I have to perform. Growing up, my parents only acknowledged when I would do good, and then they showed me love and acceptance.  
  3. Asking God to help heal that hurtful place in your heart. 
  4. Make a declaration statement. Ex. I am loved for who I am, not by what I do.
  5. Focus on that declaration statement for the next 30 days, have someone hold you accountable and ask you how you are doing. Whenever the lie comes up, remind yourself that you are loved.  
  6. It may take some time for you to adjust and believe that you are loved, but if you practice this, it will become ingrained in your heart and mind. Continue to chisel the lie with your truth.
  7. I believe in journaling as it keeps inventory of all that is taking place in your life. This is where you can reference and review if your growing in that particular area. 

Remember to find the root of your truth. You will quickly discover that it is a lie and needs to be uprooted. Fill it back with the truth and learn to love it again! I hope you enjoyed reading this blog. Feel free to share this with someone who could use some encouragement.

Carrier’s of Hope, 

Sandy Cortes

Breathing Hope One Life at a Time!

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What are you giving birth to?

Do you know that everyone has a purpose and calling in their lives?

I was never one who believed that I had a purpose in life. My upbringing was a rough one and I did not like people, especially the religious ones. I was a person who was full of anger and could spit acid in how much bitterness I was holding inside my heart! I grew up with a religious and legalistic stepfather.

Religion was shoved down my throat and not in a loving way but more of a legalistic harsh way! Who wants to know about this so-called God after that right? This was my core reason why I disliked religious people. I felt they were over religious and hypocrites.

My perception came from what I saw in my upbringing. It was my reality throughout those years. Then came that place in life where desperation kicked in and it was time for a change, change within! I had to figure out why I was so angry.

I had to do my own research and search within my own heart. I began admitting some of my pain and issues that took place. Allowing healing and accountability and this where something was birth within me. This is how the name, “Carriers of Hope”, was birth from.

See from my pain came his gain. Today I able to share with people from all backgrounds, different walks of life. Knowing that the big guy upstairs sent me to share my story with others. To breathe life to into those areas that have died, are dying and breath Hope One Life a Time!

Just in case you feel like you have no purpose, reread this post, so it encourages you and reminds you that YOU to have been called for a purpose and that there is something birthing within that you need to deliver that the world needs to hear.

Carriers of Hope,

Sandy Cortes

Breathing Hope One Life a Time!