I remember growing up hearing my stepfather tell me, “I would never amount to anything.” So I allowed fear to paralyze me and keep me hidden. It was when the failure part came to reality to me. I had learned to remain unseen and never discovering who I was within me for so many years bound by fear and unworthiness.
I recognize where I was failing at was not trying and not believing in myself. I had to unlock what was within me and be seen. I had to reevaluate the lies and replace them with the truth. I had to get out of my comfort zone and do it even if I was afraid of the outcome. So many lies kept me stuck and handicap. What a great feeling of accomplishment when I stepped out of the way of me! Where would I be today if I had decided to be locked away somewhere? Are you afraid of failing like I was?
Are you in the way of you? Are you stopping yourself from grabbing ahold of the things you have dreamt of and locked away not to be seen? As the world sits on the other side longing for someone to speak life and give them hope, yet you are the carrier, the one they have waited on.
Can you envision yourself making a difference, strutting in your accomplishments? Get out of your way, step aside, and let me introduce you to the “New You.” Please get to know that person, he/she is waiting for you to unlock those dreams and release the real you. You have something so different and unique about you. Now unlock you and take a look at all you have inside of you. The world awaits your talents and gifting and your presence.
Learn to evaluate the lies and replace them with the truth. The only thing stopping you from unlocking you is YOU!
The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one- John Maxwell.
Have you learned to live with your mask? Or maybe you wear many different masks? Because your hustling for worthiness and continue to numb yourselves so that you do not feel or show your vulnerability to others. By holding a mask at all costs, because what if they would discover the real you?
Who is the real you? Have you been hurt due to someone shaming, putting you down, or downright did something to you? It is so exhausting to live an unauthentic life and hide behind a mask. I had many masks and a tendency to put on at times, even now, as your reading this blog. Why? Because then people would read or see my pain, and then I would have to hear the criticism of showing my vulnerability to others. People can be downright mean in this world. I understand how hard it is to be vulnerable. Society teaches you not to show vulnerability as it is a sign of weakness.
I was raised by a father never to show any feelings in front of others. Anything outside of that was considered a weakness. So, do you understand now why I had to wear a mask? There was enough criticism to paralyze me for life and continue on this path of always wearing a mask. Eventually, I had to look at myself in the mirror and ask myself, “Why are you hiding behind this mask? I knew it was a matter of time where it would call for me to put down my mask. There was an enormous amount of fear within me. Risk of people not liking me if I shared my vulnerability or them having thoughts of being messed up. I had to do some soul searching and figure out why I was so afraid of people seeing the real me. Of always remaining invisible, yet I was visible in front of others. I even had these twisted thoughts of somehow my father finding out and hearing his disapproval voice.
I had to learn to lay that all down and be free to be me. One of the things I recall God telling me one day was, “Whatever you do, remain true to who you are and keep things real.” Being authentic to yourself and in front of others. That is hard to do in this day in age where there is this plague of comparison, not enough or vulnerability is such a bad thing you can see it in magazines, reality shows, and even social media.
A mask is usually worn on the face as protection and to disguise yourself, so no one sees the real you.
Do you love the mask you put on every day?
Why do you wear your mask?
Do you not want to be visible in this world?
Or do you feel like your going through this world as invisible?
Therefore, you put on your mask? Those are some big questions right, but a great way to cause some self-reflection on why you are wearing that mask. No more pretending and being invisible, choose to be visible to the world, and allow them to see how beautiful you are.
Have you ever looked back at the medieval days and been so fascinated by the ruler over their kingdom. I love the way they align themselves up for battle. Anything that stepped foot on their territory, they were armed and ready. One of my favorite movies is Troy. This movie portrays the struggle between the ancient kingdoms of Troy and Sparta. I love watching the different rulers and how they govern their empire.
There is a part in the movie where the city is celebrating and the night comes. Everything seems to be quiet, and then Achilles, Odysseus, and a small group of Greek soldiers emerge and slay several guards and open Troy’s gates. The Greek army quickly pours into the city, burning homes and killing any Trojan who stands in their way while Priam can only watch. The soldiers of Troy attempt to defend the royal palace but fail. Typically there is always a greedy, cruel tyrant in these movies. In Troy, it was Agamemnon. His brutal nature nearly leads to the destruction of his men and the loss of a war. Tyrants are willing to sacrifice others for their wants and are very fearful of losing their power.
Have you ever been in a place in your life where things were going well, and all of a sudden, you found yourself threatened and unguarded?
Like the story of Troy, there was a cruel tyrant that came in, whether it was in your mind, heart, and soul. Where it decided that it was going to go and destroy every bit of your kingdom, these tyrants can be a fear of failure, low self-esteem, bitterness, disbelief, and even unforgiveness. It continues to throw darts at all times and begin to govern your kingdom.
One of the tyrants that have come in and out of my life has been fear of failure. Every so often, that tyrant comes in at odd hours of the night and throws its deadly missiles. Trying to destroy everything that I have worked towards and set out to do. That tyrant comes when life seems out of control or when something doesn’t go as planned.
I’m amazed by how many thoughts come through our minds thinking to the point that we feel like we’re bleeding out. Where we can’t feel or have become numb to certain things in our lives because we have allowed a tyrant to govern our kingdom.
It happens to the best of us even when our life is going great. All it takes is that one tyrant to come through and can quickly destroy the kingdom, especially if you’re not awake and watching them as they arrive or as they are coming in and out. The enemy is very strategic in what he does and thinks things through.
What is your tyrant that continues to bombard and dominate your kingdom? Our kingdom is our heart, mind, and soul. What remains governing you that is stopping you from walking in your purpose and calling? Take some time today and reflect. Be on the lookout, gear up, identify the tyrants, and destroy it. Chop it off by its head, and do not allow it to come back into your kingdom. Be a watchman on the wall.
I hope you are enjoying reading this post if someone came to mind as you were reading this, please feel to share it with them! Could you help me, help others along the way? You never know who needs to hear this today that may be struggling and is needing one good thing to happen to them today. This could be a tool of encouragement and bring hope back into their situation. Please help me to continue to breathe hope one life at a time!
Have you ever wondered why we do the things we sometimes do? Maybe you are unaware that you are doing it! Sometimes the things we struggle with is rooted in something that might seem unrelated to the behavior itself.
I have been guilty of saying, “I’m going to stop doing this. As if it was that easy, right. These approaches are helpful, but in reality, that particular challenge does not just go away or was not created overnight. I have not seen problems successfully stop; they continue to sprout back up. It’s like cutting a weed off at the top without ripping it up from the roots. It is going to continue to happen and grow back.
In our lives, we have to get to the root of what may be going on. Before even touching the challenges or behaviors. Let’s take a look at our belief system and not at the behaviors but the roots of those. As he/she thinks in his/her heart, so is he.
So how do we begin this process?
You start with the one lie.
Then you locate when this lie first gave birth. Ex. For someone to love me, I have to perform. Growing up, my parents only acknowledged when I would do good, and then they showed me love and acceptance.
Asking God to help heal that hurtful place in your heart.
Make a declaration statement. Ex. I am loved for who I am, not by what I do.
Focus on that declaration statement for the next 30 days, have someone hold you accountable and ask you how you are doing. Whenever the lie comes up, remind yourself that you are loved.
It may take some time for you to adjust and believe that you are loved, but if you practice this, it will become ingrained in your heart and mind. Continue to chisel the lie with your truth.
I believe in journaling as it keeps inventory of all that is taking place in your life. This is where you can reference and review if your growing in that particular area.
Remember to find the root of your truth. You will quickly discover that it is a lie and needs to be uprooted. Fill it back with the truth and learn to love it again! I hope you enjoyed reading this blog. Feel free to share this with someone who could use some encouragement.
I like having control over things, like what my upcoming weeks look like or knowing when and how I am going to handle a particular project. Or how to get my kids or husband to get them to do something I want them to do. I can predict the outcome and prepare accordingly for attitudes and negotiation and even compromising. Yet there have been other things that I had no control over. I have mentored and counseled many individuals throughout life. But, how about when you can not control an unexpected issue like a terrible break-up, a divorce of a couple, a severe illness, a loss of a job, or a loss of a loved one. Listen to the news and hear all the things that are taking place in our day to day society. But what do you do when it happens and it mainly affects you?
I woke up thinking about the tragic accident that took place yesterday with Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna and the other six passengers. I am a mother and wife, and my heart hurts for those families. I think of the call that was made to his wife and envision what may have gone through her mind to not only receive the news of her husband but then in the very next breath hearing that her daughter passed away too — the same with the other families. Life will never be the same for them. A part of them will be missing that will not be given back. I have no relationship with any of these individuals. However, I know the pain of losing a loved one. My heart and prayer go out to the families.
How does one deal when you receive news like this? How does one deal with all the emotions that come from those situations of trauma or tragedy?
With my own experiences, I recall being so angry when I got the news of good friends of ours that were killed by a drunk driver and when my mother passed away from cancer. Devastation kicked in, and I had all these mixed emotions. I did not know how to process what was said, yet let alone how does one grieve, and go back to day to day life without that person no longer being in their life. How does one hold and process everything that they are feeling, thinking, and wishing it was a bad nightmare? Then evenutally coming to terms, and realizing that it happened and that those loved ones are not coming back.
I wish I had those answers on what to do. I know for me, I was in a state of shock, and the world stopped at that moment. Nothing else mattered, and nothing could soothe the pain of losing someone you love. Then all the should of, could of the sit-in and you try to remember the last conversation or last thing said. For me, it took many years to talk about what happened, I went through a dark time of being depressed. I do not know if it was that I was just not ready to procesd and/or just trying to survive, in denial, or just not go there because of the pain I felt. Eventually, I had to learn to go to that place of torment. I am one who, when I begin to cry, and I am trying to express myself, all I can do is cry, and there goes the end of that conversation. That when I finally do share, it is ugly and hard. Yet it is therapeutic; it didn’t make the people I love come back but help soothe and made it easier to process the emotions I felt.
I have learned the importance of accountability. Yes, I did say accountability. It is going to require you to speak about those things that have occurred throughout life. You are not truly going to know how to process or handle what has happened. Having someone in your life helps hold your challenges, and that will guide and be there with you through the aftermath. Many times the risk of being accountable and authentic is hard for individuals. Being on the receiving side at times, we feel that we have to have the right words or have to say something, but it is okay to sit and just listen. Just being there for that individual can bring healing to their life. But one of the things that can help me help others is putting myself in their shoes and being in that moment per say in what they are vocalizing.
Beloved, I am not sure what you are facing today, I am hoping that you would be ready and open to share those hard places of your life. Reflecting on the importance of going to a friend or relative or yes, a counselor/therapist. That you feel you can share that brave space with and share your pain and sufferings with is so therapeutic. It is the first step forward in beginning your healing process. There is not a timeline of when to no longer hurt and mourn over the loved ones you have lost. Embrace each day as it comes. I know when the holidays come, I often think of my loved ones and become sad, and I embrace it and I know there in a much better place than I am. From these hardships, I have learned that life is too short and learning to be present at the moment with those loved ones that are still here. Life goes by very quickly.
There was a meta anayalis done and it stated, “The average person who received therapy is better off at the end of it than 80% of those who do not”. This is something I can vouch for as I have taken therapy and believe in it. It has help me to cope and heal and given me tools to utlize when those unexpected things come up. So take time out today and make that call and share those things that are holding you back and/or that have been hard to deal with. I promise you will not regret it!
Have you struggled to share your authentic self with others? Do you even know who your authentic self is?
When I think of being authentic, I think of a person who wears no makeup. I am not saying that a person who wears makeup is not genuine. I am saying this is what comes to my mind. A fresh, clean face with nothing on it to cover it up. No highlighters, foundation, or concealer are covering up the imperfections or flaws.
So many times in our lives, we try to cover up our authentic self because of rejection, acceptance, or fear of being judged. So we create a counterfeit of who we think people will accept and approve. Or show up as a person we believe will fit in and be liked.
In some of my own experiences, people have ridiculed me for being authentic. Either when I have shared my heart on a matter, or my feelings got hurt, and I have expressed it to the offender. Or when I have been wholly misunderstood.
2019 has been about self-discovery. I had many counterfeit moments before embarking on this new journey. I thought if this is the response I get for being real? It’s better to be fake! But is it really? Your only cheating yourself!
Being authentic comes with a pretty hefty cost. There is a risk that comes with being authentic. That not a lot of people will buy or like you for it. Many years ago, God reminded me, whatever you do, Sandy keeps things real.” So this was brought back full circle in 2019.
What I discovered is that not a lot of people can handle someone being authentic or showing their vulnerability. It is like a mirror reflection of themselves, of them being counterfeit, hiding behind all the fluffs, titles, and whatever other concealers and become threatened. People, including myself, can say hurtful things that can scar us if we are not careful when we see our true reflection.
So, are YOU being your authentic self? If you have been a counterfeit, then its time to come out of hiding and get around people who are willing to take the risk and be authentic with you!
“Staying real” is one of the most courageous battles that we will ever fight.
In the line of work that I do, it requires me to speak, address, and encourage. At times this can be a challenge for me, especially when you see someone making the same decisions over and over again, knowing that this has not been beneficial for that individual or the situation.
I have been guilty of saying something that I did not utilize wisdom in the way I spoke towards myself, with my children, spouse, and my influence of friends. Where the words just came spewing out of my mouth. You know that feeling you get when you were wanting to kick yourself and are saying, “Did I just say that out loud.” Knowing that no matter what, I said, it wouldn’t change anything, and I can’t take it back.
I am quickly learning that I have to use wisdom in the things I say and that my tongue can steer what direction I want to go in and not. It is like a rudder on a ship in how it determines the direction a ship will go. My tongue has the power to steer a conversation in a positive or opposite direction. I have been guilty of hitting many avalanches, and my ship quickly sinking like the titanic.
Our tongue has the power to produce life and death. It can speak words of encouragement to people and their circumstances or can crush an individual’s spirit and create discouragement and the will to fight the good fight on their growth. It is so easy to spew out words out of frustration.
I am becoming more conscious of watching what I say. Asking myself, “Is this going to edify or tear down whatever that is that is that I am facing.” I am completely transparent here at times I want to go straight to tearing down whether it is to myself that I am speaking to or speaking of others. Then the light bulb begins to flash, and I have to ask, “Is this helping the situation,” and I do walk away feeling any better? The answer is, “No.”
So I want to challenge you today to come on this journey with me. To be conscious and watch what you are saying and then ask yourself, is this helping the situation or tearing it down? Let’s speak life into our situation and whatever it is your facing today. There is already enough negativity in this world; let’s be the light and shine in the midst of those dark moments of our lives, so we can help others shine the light on theirs.