Speaking Engagements

The Breaking Before the Becoming: Why God Does His Deepest Work in Hidden Seasons

Do you remember growing up and seeing those long, legged, hairy little insects just walking around without a care in the world? Caterpillars.

I remember being outside all the time, back when our parents didn’t want us inside—and being so curious about them. I even read The Very Hungry Caterpillar. I was fascinated by how something so small and simple could become something so beautiful.

Little did I know back then that a caterpillar goes through stages—what we now know as metamorphosis. I won’t go into all the stages, but I want to focus on three: the larva stage, the chrysalis stage, and the adult stage.

The larva stage is simple—the caterpillar eats and grows. That’s it. It consumes and stores energy for what’s next. And honestly, I think of that stage as seasons in our lives where we’re learning, growing, and taking things in… sometimes even the wrong things.

But then comes the chrysalis stage.
And this is where I want to sit for a moment. Because this is where everything changes. This is the hidden stage. The uncomfortable stage. The breaking stage.

Inside the chrysalis, the caterpillar literally begins to break down into what scientists call a biological soup. Everything that once was… dissolves.

And if I’m honest—that’s exactly what my life felt like. For years, I felt like I was in a cage. Boxed in. Stuck in cycles I couldn’t break. Things that once defined me didn’t fit anymore. Old habits were being stripped. My identity felt unclear.

It didn’t feel like transformation.It felt like everything was falling apart.
The internal dialogue got louder:
“This isn’t working.”
“I should be further along.”
“When am I going to overcome this?”
“Maybe this just isn’t for me.”

And one of the biggest places I saw this was in my licensing exam.Year after year, I would miss it by just a few points.Every time I walked out of that exam, I had to face the same voices—fear, failure, doubt. Telling my family and friends I didn’t pass again. The anxiety. The pressure. The shame.

But what I didn’t realize at the time was this: God wasn’t just concerned about me passing a test.
He was revealing what was happening inside of me.
The fear.
The self-reliance.
The wounds from my past.
The lies I had believed about myself.

That stage exposed everything.
And I had to come face-to-face with it.
Looking back, I can see that while I was in my “larva stage,” I was feeding—but not always on the right things. I wasn’t consistently allowing God’s Word to renew my mind the way it should have.

So when the pressure came, what was inside of me surfaced. And I realized—I couldn’t fix this on my own. That’s when the shift began.
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
I started asking, “God, what are You trying to change in me?”

Because real change feels like loss before it feels like growth.Old coping patterns were being dismantled.
Old identities were being stripped away. But something deeper was happening.

God was doing an internal work—an identity transformation, not just behavior modification.

It reminded me of Romans 12:2—how we are transformed by the renewing of our mind. I had heard it for years… but I wasn’t fully living it.

Not until I had no other choice.
Not until I was in a place where I had to surrender control.And then… came the release. What once dominated my life—anxiety, fear, the lies, began to lose its grip.

Peace became my compass.
Trust replaced control. And I leaned into God in a way I never had before.

Then came the outward evidence.
I passed my exam. Not only did I pass—I finished with 70 minutes left, something that had never happened before. And I passed by 8 points. Eight—the number of new beginnings.

I had to go through the breaking to step into the becoming.Because a caterpillar doesn’t become a butterfly overnight. It enters a hidden place where everything that once worked… stops working.

Where things fall apart before they come together. And maybe that’s where you are right now.

Feeling stuck.
Feeling unseen.
Feeling like nothing is happening.

But what if everything is happening… underneath the surface?

God often chooses hidden transformation over instant results.

He doesn’t waste what you’re going through. He uses it—to refine you, to reshape you, to draw you back to Him.

This isn’t just behavior change. This is identity change.And when you finally emerge, you won’t just act different. You’ll be different.

Reflection Questions
• Where am I in life right now?
• Do I feel like nothing is happening?
• What might God be doing underneath the surface that I can’t see yet?
• Am I willing to trust the process, even in a hidden season?

Prayer
Lord, help me trust You in the hidden places. When I don’t understand what You’re doing, remind me that You are still working. Show me what You’re trying to reveal in me, not just around me. Give me rest in this season, and help me surrender what I keep trying to control. Transform me from the inside out.In Jesus’ name, amen.

Behold, I am making all things new.”-Revelation 21:5