“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” — Deuteronomy 31:8

This one feels a little more raw for me to share. My devotionals often come from places I’m personally walking through, but this one is still unfolding in real time. I felt led to share it because I know I may not be the only one navigating weariness, uncertainty, unanswered questions, and the tension of trusting God while still waiting for answers.

This year has brought me face-to-face with how quickly life can change.

Over the past several months, I have received different diagnoses, lived with pain that has become part of my everyday life, and found myself becoming increasingly aware of my own limitations. If I’m honest, there have been moments when the weight of it all has created weariness in me.

Moments of frustration.

Moments of hopelessness.

Moments when my mind has become a battlefield and I have wondered, Lord, is this what my life is going to look like now?

Then this past Thursday, I found myself in the hospital after experiencing symptoms that mirrored a stroke.

Thankfully, a stroke was ruled out.

But during the testing, doctors discovered something else—an incidental finding of a 4 mm brain aneurysm.

Another finding.

Another thing to process.

And yet, sitting in church a few days later, something shifted in me.

As I listened to Chandler Moore’s song I’m Grateful, I began thinking about everything that could have happened that day.

My results could have been different.

The outcome could have been worse.

And suddenly, right there in the middle of all the unanswered questions, I found myself thinking:

God, I’m grateful.

Not because everything is easy.

Not because I understand what is happening in my body.

Not because I suddenly have answers to every question.

I’m grateful because He has been here the entire time.

The song carries this beautiful reminder: Who am I that You keep me on Your mind?

That question settled deeply in my heart.

Because when I look back over my life, I can see Him.

Through diagnosis.

Through grief.

Through loss.

Through beautiful seasons and painful ones.

Through the moments when I thought, I don’t know if I’m going to make it out of this one.

Through mistakes.

Through disappointment.

Through the shedding of old versions of myself.

Through the uncomfortable process of learning boundaries, prioritizing my health, releasing things I once carried, and becoming the woman God is calling me to be.

He was there.

This season has involved a lot of shedding.

After losing my mother-in-law in December, something changed in the way I began looking at life. Her passing reminded me that tomorrow is not promised. It caused me to look differently at family, relationships, priorities, and how I want to spend the life God has given me.

And since then, it feels as though God has continued inviting me to release old ways of thinking, old patterns, and even versions of myself that I have outgrown.

That process isn’t always beautiful.

Sometimes growth feels like grief.

Sometimes becoming who God is calling you to be requires letting go of who you have always been.

And sometimes you find yourself standing somewhere between the old and the new, asking God, Who am I in this season?

Add physical pain, health concerns, family changes, relationship challenges, and the uncertainty of what comes next—and weariness can settle in quickly.

Our pastor spoke about weariness during service, and all I could do was weep.

Because I knew exactly what he was talking about.

I have been weary.

And when we become weary, our minds can become vulnerable to the same kind of question the enemy used from the very beginning:

Did God really say?

Did God really say He would take care of you?

Did God really say He has a purpose for you?

Did God really say He is with you?

Did God really say you’re going to make it through this?

Fear loves to fill in the spaces where we don’t have answers.

But gratitude has been reminding me to look backward when I can’t see forward.

Because when I look backward, I see evidence.

He kept me.

There were seasons I thought would break me.

They didn’t.

There were moments when I couldn’t see a way forward.

He made one.

There were moments when I didn’t know how I would recover.

Grace met me there.

There were moments when I questioned whether I had anything left.

And somehow, He sustained me.

The part of the song that has stayed closest to my heart is the reminder to give God glory for all that He has done.

Not just for what I am asking Him to do next.

That challenged me.

Because sometimes we become so focused on our next miracle that we forget to thank Him for the miracles already behind us.

I’m still believing God concerning my health.

I’m still believing Him for healing.

I’m still praying about the aneurysm.

I’m still seeking answers about the pain I’ve been experiencing.

I’m still learning how to care for the body He has given me.

And I still have moments when fear tries to enter.

But today, I’m choosing a different posture:

Gratitude.

Our pastor has called our church members into a three-day fast this week, and during service he reminded us that even if nothing around us changes, something within us can.

That is my prayer during this fast.

Maybe every circumstance won’t change in three days.

Maybe every answer won’t come.

Maybe every problem won’t suddenly disappear.

But I can change.

My perspective can change.

My posture can change.

My thoughts can change.

Instead of asking only, God, what are You going to do?

I want to remember:

God, look at everything You have already done.

You’ve carried me.

You’ve covered me.

You’ve corrected me.

You’ve comforted me.

You’ve given me grace again and again.

You’ve walked beside me through every season of my life.

And You’re still here.

So today, even in the middle of unanswered questions, physical pain, uncertainty, transition, and becoming…

God, I’m grateful for You.

Not only for what You give.

Not only for what You change.

Not only for what You heal.

But simply because throughout every chapter of my life—

You have been faithful.

Heart Check

What are you facing today that has made you weary?

Maybe you’re waiting for healing.

Maybe you’re carrying grief.

Maybe you’re walking through changes you didn’t ask for.

Maybe God is requiring you to release an old version of yourself.

Maybe fear has been whispering, What if this never changes?

Today, I challenge you to pause.

Listen to I’m Grateful by Chandler Moore, or spend a few moments reflecting on the ways God has carried you.

Allow the Holy Spirit to remind you of the places where God has already been faithful.

Think about the seasons you thought you wouldn’t survive.

The prayers He answered.

The doors He opened.

The ones He closed.

The grace He extended—even in moments when you didn’t deserve it.

Then simply tell Him:

God, I remember.
You’ve been here all along.
And I’m grateful for You.

Prayer

Father, thank You for being faithful through every season of my life.

Thank You for staying with me when I was weary, afraid, confused, hurting, or uncertain. When fear tries to convince me that You have forgotten me, remind me of every place Your hand has already carried me.

During this season, renew my mind.

Teach me to recognize Your presence even before my circumstances change.

Help me release what needs to be released, embrace who You are calling me to become, and trust You with the places where I still don’t have answers.

Whether I am standing on the mountaintop or walking through the valley, let gratitude become my posture.

You’ve been with me all this time.

And for that, Lord, I am grateful.

Amen.

With hope,
Sandy

Carriers of Hope
Breathing Hope, One Life at a Time