You never really know what you a scared of until you see something or are put in a situation where you to begin freak out in. There I was getting ready to get an MRI done on my neck and shoulder. Trying to figure out why I am still in a bit of discomfort after my accident in September. As the tech began pressing the button and sliding me into the machine I begin to panic. Thinking this a very confined space for me to be in. So she began to speak to me through the speaker asking me “Sandy, how are you doing?” My response as I was trying to be strong but yet really scared, “Yes, I’m Okay”, but really meaning I am freaking out right now, somebody get me out of here”.
I recall a time in my life when I was in a bathroom stall in Middle school and a girl came and cornered me in the stall and began to feel all over my body. I did not know what to do nor did I know what was happening. It was like someone was pressing the button and putting me in that confined space. That day I walked around in a state of shock and wondering what just had happened. Then it became a pattern, it was as if she was waiting and watching to see when I would go into the bathroom. She would always tell me, “If you tell anyone, I will beat you up”. She would laugh at my facial expressions whenever I would see her as I walk through the halls. As if it was some kind of joke.
I think to myself today, “Why did I never say anything or stick up for myself”. All I can recall is that paralyze confined feeling. Like that same feeling of when I was getting that MRI done. But the only difference was that there was no one asking me, “How are you, are you okay?” Sometimes in life we don’t understand why certain things happen to us? Maybe those fears lead back to a trauma in our lives or something that really affected us and are paralyzed in, even today. There was a violation that took place that day that wounded my heart and questioned, “Why didn’t say anything”. The only certainty had been that if I spoke I would get beat up by that girl.
Fast forward to that day of the MRI, those feelings of confinement were real and I had to pray. Asking God to help me through this moment as it was a good 45 minutes of being in that confined space. So many times I would relapse with those feelings of being paralyzed, but I had to tell myself, ” Sandy, you can do this, it will be over soon”. I am thankful for the tech that day that checked in every 3 minutes. This was a hard thing for me to expose once I realized what had happened.
How many times in our lives are we put in a position that makes us uncomfortable? Or that we feel confined? Or that there is no one there or asks, “Are you okay”. I am thankful that God was faithful in bringing someone along to help me talk and heal from it.. Maybe you’re a victim of sexual abuse and have had an encounter like I did or something similar. I want to stand in the gap for you. I do not know if you are still in that state of being confined and uncomfortable. Possibly paralyzed in that area that it has affected other areas of your life.
I want to encourage you to know that God is there for you and wants to bring healing. I want to encourage you to know that God is there for you and wants to bring healing to your heart, soul and mind. I pray that the healing balm of God reaches you right where you are. That he will send someone who you can share this trauma with that can help walk alongside and bring healing. Today, I have the honor and privilege of helping women who have gone through those traumatic events and are needing healing and closure. That are wrestling with those feelings of being paralyzed and confined.
Thank you for reading and ask that if you know of someone who has gone through something similar or could use an encouraging word, I ask that you would forward that to them. Help me a Carrier of Hope to that individual.
I want to leave you with this prayer. Lord, I ask for you to go right where this person is and bring your comfort and love to them. That they may feel your presence and that they would allow you to bring your healing to their heart, mind and soul. Amen. Thank you and God bless you.
Sandy Cortes, Carriers of Hope
Breathing Hope one Life at a Time!